Health, wellness, and blasphemy

I am feeling very confined. My wife has banished me to the office, forcing me to kill time by writing on this stupid blog. I suppose I could be doing my taxes, but on a Friday night? No. I don't think so. I started drinking three hours ago already.

The "man" is also beating me down. The man being the government of our province. First, they approve a $260 million dollar bird-killing factory, which has caused the me to lose sleep. Poor little feathery creatures. Then, they submitted a budget that spends $5 billion on health care, yet still doesn't cover the experimental treatment for keeping my finger nails from growing so fast. And now, this. Come on, man. Don't make me take off my copper underwear! It gives me the support I need, and only recently broke in to fit me perfectly!

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On another note, I shall give you some health advice, because I am an expert. I am an expert because I say I am, and because I have a master's degree*.

Drink. Specifically, drink the following:

A glass of red wine, to lower your cholesterol, followed up by a pint of ale to make your bones strong:

A beer a day could keep brittle bones at bay. That's because beer is rich in silicon, an element that has been linked to bone health. But what type of beer should you drink? ... lighter-coloured beers made from pale malted barley and hops, such as pale ales, are richest in silicon, while low-alcohol beers contain the least, along with stouts, porters and wheat beers.

But don't put away the stout just yet! You need that too to prevent heart attacks.

Feeling good yet? Good. But you're not done: you also need to grab six or more cups of coffee to keep yourself alert and also prevent Parkinson's disease, diabetes and cancer.

That's my typical morning anyways so I should be doing OK, except for those damn fingernails.

*in economics.

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If you're into blasphemy, these guys might be for you ... I found out about them here and had to check them out, from curiosity. This music isn't really my bag, but the song gets better as it goes on. You can pick up some influences from Metallica, and Avril Lavigne. That last one might be my imagination.