Boo (updated!)

I remember thinking when I was a kid that Halloween should be a holiday. The other special days when we get candy and stuff are holidays, like Christmas and Easter. It is obviously an oversight that Halloween is not.

That was then. Now it's just an inconvenience. You go out and buy candy for 200 kids, then you have to sit around waiting for them to come by instead of watching hockey in the basement. The little kids are cool because they are still enthusiastic and look funny in their poofy costumes with their painted faces, but when the teenagers start coming by I feel like saying "fuck it, they can buy their own candy" and shutting of the lights. I'm sitting there by the door so that I can give candy to the same kids who asked me to buy them cigarettes three days ago?

We got 20 kids this year, so as usual we have a ton of candy left over despite giving out big handfuls to all who came by. So now I'm going to get fat and lose all of my teeth because of this stupid holiday. Awesome. Next year, here's what I'm going to do: I'm going to put a bowl of candy out on my front step with a sign saying "Take some and leave", while I grab some beer and sit in the basement watching TV. At 8:30, I'll replace the candy in the bowl with cigarettes and go back down stairs. That should make everybody happy.

(To answer Emma's question, they all said "Trick or Treat" as I did when I was a kid.)

** UPDATE **

I stumbled across this today when I was blog surfing (click to enlarge):

At one time I considered making a costume of George with the mutant Quato from Total Recall protruding from his stomach. As demented as I may be, I did not consider using an actual person as Quato. If this guy is for real, then he deserves an award for ... something. I'm not sure what. He would give these guys a run for heaviest costume anyhow:



h/t:QQ