Monday 31 January 2011


When I bring an orange to work, it is invariably still sitting on my desk at 4:00. It's around that time when I start getting hungry again, and I look around and all I have left to eat is this damn orange. Ugg. Okay ... I guess I'll have the orange. Unless .... I go out and buy a chocolate bar! Yeah! That might hit the spot! No ... I'll eat the orange.

I actually like the taste of oranges. I like orange liqueur, orange candies, orange everything. But oranges are never the first thing I reach for. They're more like a food of last resort, and I think that's because they're just too much work.

Mandarin oranges are the exception. They still taste good -- especially the oxymoronic Japanese mandarins -- but they are easy to eat too. I know ... about this time you're thinking to yourself: is he really doing an entire post on oranges? There is some sort of backward reference to the NDP in here, right? Nope ... nope ... this here is a post about oranges. Anyhow, like I was saying before you interrupted me: mandarin oranges are my fave mainly because they're easy to peel. If you're careful, you can take off the whole peel off in one piece, and you can run around the house with it showing everybody how talented you are. I guarantee that your esteem will grow among all who witness your achievement.

But then there are the other oranges. I don't know if they're navel oranges or what, but you know the ones I'm talking about. They are about the size and weight of a shot put, but about half that is the 1cm thick peel that encases the actual edible part.* Getting that fibrous orange armour off is no small task: First you have to pick away at it for about five minutes with your finger nail to get it started. I recommend letting the nail on your index finger grow out for at least two weeks before attempting to do this. The other alternative is to make a cut in it with a pocket knife. Then as you continue to pick at it, it's a little bit like unearthing a dinosaur bone. The peel comes off only in small chunks, often with parts of the inside flesh attached to it. It's a painstaking process, but eventually you end up with a pile of peel chunks on the table and the actual inside orange that you were looking for.

Finally! I can eat! Alright, I'll just pull apart these orange wedges here and ... *SQUIRRRRT*. God damnit! I just washed that!

Sure, once you get to the inside it is indeed very tasty, but getting there is just too much of an ordeal for what it is. I mean, you shouldn't have to shower after eating a fruit. You would figure that with all our technology and experience with plant breeding and genetic engineering, the scientists could develop non-mandarin oranges that were easy to peel and pull apart.

*the whole orange is in fact edible. I know this because I used to work with somebody who actually liked eating the peel, and they never got sick and died, therefore it must be edible.


Anonymous said...

Longtime lurker here: I was moved to comment on this post, for the following reasons:
1. I often bring healthy snacks to work, which I then ignore in favour of spending money on crap from the vending machine (usually Munchie Mix)
2. the "backward reference to the NDP" joke. Hilarious.
3. the fact that I know someone who can peel an orange in one fell swoop, such that the peel (once removed from the orange) resembles an elephant.

In conclusion, I approve of this orange-centric post. Carry on.

cherenkov said...

Shaped like an elephant, eh? Impressive. I will have to practice.

Thanks for the comment.

Gustav Nelson said...

"the fact that I know someone who can peel an orange in one fell swoop, such that the peel (once removed from the orange) resembles an elephant."

One of my few talents, and said much better than I can! A+

"I approve of this orange-centric post."


Anonymous said...

I always peel the mandarin orange in an elephant. I tell my wife if I do it successfully she owes me os. I have not gotten paid once.

Anonymous said...

" Finally! I can eat! Alright, I'll just pull apart these orange wedges here and ... *SQUIRRRRT." I used to have a girlfriend just like this.

cherenkov said...

Woah now .. this is a family blog!

the Stiff Rod said...

I believe the shotput sized things you are referring to are tangelos.....

cherenkov said...

I may have been exaggerating the size and weight slightly.

spiritedmom said...

Stephen routinely peels the mandarins so the peel is in one piece resembling an elephant. Get him to show you how next time you are over. Oh yeah, and he'll even do the sound effects, holding the two ears and laying the trunk down the bridge of his nose, screeching "WHOOOOOEEEEEHHH!" which always pleases the kiddos so much...

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