Funny story about The Bay

Sometimes when you tear a place apart to renovate, things that you thought you had lost turn up unexpectedly. Well ... The Bay store in downtown Winnipeg is undergoing much needed renovations, and in the process they discovered a box containing a wedding gift. For my wedding. Three years ago.

All this time we thought this other couple stiffed us on our wedding gift, and all this time they thought we were ungrateful ass-hats for not sending a thank you card. Three years of nasty looks, broken windows, slashed tires and torched sheds -- all completely unnecessary. Just this week I was going to strangle their dog and mail it back to them in a box, before getting the call from The Bay asking us to come pick up our gift. Oops.

Now our next meeting with this couple is going to be really awkward. Oh hey, um ... sorry about the terrorist threats that I sent to the CIA from your address two weeks before your trip to Florida. Ya ... probably shouldn't have done that. So ah ... water under the bridge, eh? Heh.

...

I am very much looking forward to the completed renos but I hope they make-over their stock in the process. They can spiffy up the place all they want, but if they don't sell pants that fit me I still won't shop there. Seriously, I can't be the only person who's waist isn't bigger than their inseam.

How do you solve a problem like the Bay

While we're on the topic of fur trading ... I haven't seen the balance sheets for The Bay, but we all know the downtown Winnipeg store is in terrible shape and I suspect the organization as a whole is struggling as well. I think this store needs to re-define itself.

We could start with the logo. First, get rid of the old "the Bay" logo. It's tired and old, just like the store. Plus, if you squint or are stoned, the stylized "B" looks like a cursive "G". The newer Hbc logo isn't bad, but I don't think they hit the mark with that either. They need to simplify it and freshen it up. Make it modern, but include a nod to the history of the company with the old Hudson Bay Co. colours. Maybe something like this:

The new logo is needed because the entire store has to change and modernize. First: stop selling everything under the sun. If you don't make any money off stereos and furniture, then stop selling stereos and furniture. Or sell furniture that people want to buy. Modern stuff that a new generation of people might want to put in their department. Learn from Ikea.

It's not just the furniture department that is stuck in the last century, but the clothes department too. Here's a fact for you: I am just over 6 feet tall, and I cannot buy pants at the Bay. There is not one damn pair of pants in the whole God damned store that fits me. Am I a freak or something? If your inseam is more than 32" you're shit out of luck at the Bay, even if you're shopping for dress pants ... unless you have a 40"waste, then there might be a couple pairs for you. I guess the fat old farts who run the place still think that moms chain smoke when they're pregnant, just like back in their day. Haven't they noticed that 80% of the kids coming out of high school now are over 6' tall? They need to sell clothes for stylish young people (not that I'm one of those) before their demographic dies off.

On my recent travels, I was traveling with my wife which meant that I was frequently in department stores. And you know what? Other stores sell clothes that fit me! Wow, I'm not a freak after all! I would love to see the Bay replace it's entire dated inventory with stock from some of these stores instead of catering to old men and gluttonous couch potatoes.* I'm thinking of stores like Zara, Springfield and Celio. Zara not only sells shirts in small med and large, but in reg slim and super slim. I bought a super slim tee shirt as a snug layer for under other shirts. I feel like a body builder when I wear it. Yeah baby, look at those muscles!

Anyhow, the bottom line is: The Bay has moved on from the days when it sold fire water and beaver pelts, and it's time to move on again.

*no offense to those of you who shop there. I actually do buy some things there. But not pants.