Quick Olympic thoughts

So here we are, well into the games and trailing Togo and Kyrgyzstan in the medal totals, with a grand total of, um, zero. Some critics may say that we need to train harder, spend more money, get our kids started earlier, etc.. Maybe, but that sounds like a lot of work. I think instead we should lobby the Olympic committee to expand the podium to include two more medals for every event. Those nickel and aluminum medals would really enhance our total, and our national pride.

And what's the deal here? In a country of 3.8 trillion people, they can't find a kid who's both cute and talented?

I can hardly wait for that thrilling speed walking event. When does that air?