Palin Pardon Massacre : UPDATED!

Thank God Sarah Palin won't get the opportunity to pardon people as President:

Palin pardons turkey as video shows worker slaughtering birds behind her

*** UPDATE *** (because this is such an important issue)

It turns out that this was no gaff at all, but that Palin chose the spot and knew what was going on behind her:

The turkey slaughter was already underway when the governor chose the spot. The photographer pointed out what was going on and asked her if she wanted to move. She said, “No worries.” (link)

Why move? Killing animals is fun and natural.

However, now that the Palin team has realized that not everybody view it the same way, they are denying everything:

Palin’s spokesperson tells ET the bird butchering wasn’t going on when the shot was set up, and a cameraman “ignored” the governor’s staff’s request to remove the graphic sight once cameras were rolling.

I see... the Governor and her staff were powerless to stop the interview. Those damn camera men, always throwing their weight around.

h/t: andrew sullivan

Pullin' for Palin

I feel maybe I was a little bit hard on Palin with my last post, so I will now list some reasons why she is a good VP pick:

1. She is a gun-totin', oil-pumpin', pro-lifer. Yes, that's right. I'm covering all my bases. In my last post this was a negative because it will scare away Hillary-supporting democrats. In this post, it's a positive. You see, McCain is naturally a social moderate. He's being torn between his personal views and the demands of the republican base, and is being forced to publically support a more conservative social agenda, but the evangelicals he is trying to woo (did I really use that word?) can see through that. Palin is a legit social conservative and therefore will take a lot of the pressure off McCain to get those bible-thumpers out to vote when it counts.

2. She's a working mom. That will help secure some of that hockey/football/ultimate frisbee mom vote, from mom's who don't have strong loyalties to either party.

3. She's young and inexperienced. Why is that an advantage? Because it assures voters that she had absolutely nothing to do with the war in Iraq. She never influenced the decision to go to Iraq. She was never in the position to vote on any bill related to the war, or any other federal bill for that matter, and therefore cannot be critisized for it. She's a clean slate, as far as Washington goes. Sort of.

4. She's a bitch. As Tina Fey says: "bitch is the new black". This works out well, when you're going up against Obama. Plus, bitches get things done. Also, being a chick is important because McCain's a dude. A corner has been turned south of the border, and a tandem of two white guys would just look so old fashioned competing against Obama. Diversity is a must now. You have to show that you're willing to draw from the entire pool of candidates. This also suggests there might be a diversity of opinion in the government -- which is a good thing. This is something the previous administration was lacking.

There you go. All of the things that used to be negatives are now positives. Goes to show that it's a matter of perspective. We here at the Peanut have never been big on providing balanced commentary on anything, but we'll make an exception in this case.

Impalin' the VPILF

I admit that I am not the keenest observer of US politics, but I feel compelled to comment on John McCain's choice for VP, and it's my damn blog so I can comment on whatever the hell I want.

Now, a lot of people have had a lot of things to say about Sarah Palin. Me, I think John McCain picked her for two simple reasons: she is young and she has tits. Because she is young, the average age of the President/VP tandem will be somewhere in the high 50s (58 by my calculations) which should be acceptable to most voters. Because she has boobies, she will automatically capture the disgruntled Hillary Clinton supporters.

I think McCain is wrong. Palin may look a little bit like your sexy high school teacher, but on the inside she's a gun-toting, oil-pumping, vengeful bitch with a knocked-up teenage daughter and a mentally handicapped newborn who she apparently wants nothing to do with¹. She's more of a redneck than Ted Nugent. Aside from the bitch part, she has little in common with Hillary. Vengeful Hillary supporters may vote republican, but otherwise I imagine they will be scared off by the creationism, anti-abortionism, and poor environmental record -- vagina or no vagina.

There. That's what I have to say about Palin. I think it was a gutsy pick by McCain, and I expect an interesting and nasty race to the finish line. But I think, ultimately, the gamble will not pay off because, aside from helping to secure the social conservative base, Palin will not pull in the votes that McCain needs.

¹ I should explain this statement. Palin has 5 kids. The oldest - Track (named after the marks on the inside of her arm?) - is going off to college, which leaves four. Those four include her daughter Bristol who is pregnant and a newborn Trig (named after the course she flunked in high school? Ok. I'll stop now) has Down syndrome. Now, I'm not saying that a woman cannot work and raise a family at the same time. Far from it. But US VP is no ordinary job. Most working moms would still be able to squeeze in some time to help their kids with their homework, help their daughter plan her shot-gun wedding, help change the diapers, etc. With the responsibilities and learning curve that Palin has ahead of her, she will have ZERO time for her family. So the husband does it, right? You mean the husband that works for BP and also owns a commercial fishing business? Ok. Sure. At least they'll have enough income to hire some really nice surrogate parents.