Tuesday, 23 February 2010

Recalibrating and Snow Forts

You're perfect just the way you are (Macleans)

Apparently the Fed gov't has almost finished recalibrating, and surprisingly, their new finely tuned calibration is remarkably similar to their old broken calibration:

Two months after the Conservatives prorogued Parliament to “consult” with Canadians, government officials have revealed the broad outlines of Ottawa’s plans for the March 4 budget. In short, it’s more of the same—it includes no new spending or tax measures, and no cuts to pensions, health care or education transfers to the provinces. Despite signs the worst of the economic crisis has passed, the federal government will push ahead with $19 billion worth of stimulus spending announced last year.
When they consulted with Canadians, Canadians resoundingly told the government "don't change a thing, you sexy beast. We love you just the way you are!" (the poll numbers were just a statistical anomaly)

We've all been there. You know, like when your car is making funny noises and feels sluggish, so you cancel the road trip to the in-laws because you are sure the car is unsafe, then a couple of weeks later the garage phones and says "Hey, you know what? We couldn't find anything wrong with the car. You can come pick it up. No charge." It happens to me all the time. But you know what they say: better safe than sorry!

Upper Snow Fort Garry (Free Press)

Breaking news! A kid in Winnipeg built a snow fort. The snow fort even had a name: Camp Inukshuk. Wait! There's more: the snow fort got destroyed by a plow because it was built next to the street!

Sorry, I'll give you a moment to pick youself off the floor and recollect your thoughts.

There ... are you OK? Good. I didn't mean to blindside you with that bombshell. I'll be more careful next time.

Oh Gordon, what are we going to do with you? I blame it on the Free Press editors for forcing poor Gordon to write a column when he had nothing of public interest to write about. Poor Gordon had to strain every nueron in his grey matter to somehow twist this into a matter of relevance. Oh, how cruel the snow plow driver was! With a jagged sneer or his face and flames dancing in his possessed eyes he callously destroyed the dreams of a young community, by, um, keeping the roads clear. Much like how the evil Crystal Developers were hell bent on constructing an apartment building on an empty parking lot, and developing an adjacent park and interpretive centre to complement the Upper Fort Garry gate. Thank God there was a group a millionaire superheros to swoop in and prevent this near-fatal revitalization of downtown!

Where are the friends of Camp Inukshuk when you need them?

I think I may die of sarcasm one day.

No comments:

/* Google Tracker Code