Friday 21 May 2010

The Falcon Cam is back, and other stuff...

The CBC falcon cam is back in business for 2010.

Watch that little cheating whore Princess raise her chicks with her new young stud Ivy, whom she hooked up with after dumping her long-time mate Trey.

Women. I tell ya ...

Fun fact about peregrine falcons: they can dive at their prey at over 200 mph, making them one of the fasted birds on the planet. They also have a taste for human flesh.


Still on the subject of dangerous birds: what is the greatest threat to Winnipeggers? A: Geese.
"They can beat the hell out of you," warns animal behaviour expert Jim Shapiro, a professor at the University of Manitoba. He's taken a beating from a gosling's father during his research. "I was not paying attention and got hit in the groin."
I took Dr. Shapiro's course at the U of M (btw ... why is everybody named Shapiro a doctor?) and I am here to tell you that geese are not dangerous. Good thing too, because that would be pretty embarrassing:

person 1: Oh my God, you're missing half your face? What happened???

person 2: I got attacked by a goose.

person 1: A goose ...

person 2: Um ... I mean a legendary ninja warrior they call "The Goose" because of, ah, his freakishly long neck. Ya ... that's it.

Professor Shapiro used to bribe us with higher marks for helping him round up and weigh his angry and dirty geese on his goose farm south of Winnipeg. (A large Canada Goose weighs 15 lbs. Most are 11-13 if I remember correctly. Nice size for a family dinner.) A goose does not have teeth, and does not have sharp talons for ripping your ear off. All it can do is beat you with it's wings which probably hurts it more than it hurts you.

So, unless you pick up the goose and hold it in front of your groin, I don't think you have anything to worry about.


Still on the subject of things without teeth ... have you seen the new Olympic mascots?

Hey kids! Come and play with the one-eyed monster! It won't bite ... I promise!


The View from Seven said...

My first impression was that they looked like a couple of bottle openers.

Other comments I found during a quick scan:

"a couple of marshmallows clad in space suits"

"look like you could buy them from some Soho sex shop"

"a couple of male genitalia"

"a cross between a Teletubby and Ghostbuster’s Marshmallow Man"

cherenkov said...

Bottle openers ... ya, I can see that. Marshmallow bottle openers.

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