Sunday 1 November 2009

Boo (updated!)

I remember thinking when I was a kid that Halloween should be a holiday. The other special days when we get candy and stuff are holidays, like Christmas and Easter. It is obviously an oversight that Halloween is not.

That was then. Now it's just an inconvenience. You go out and buy candy for 200 kids, then you have to sit around waiting for them to come by instead of watching hockey in the basement. The little kids are cool because they are still enthusiastic and look funny in their poofy costumes with their painted faces, but when the teenagers start coming by I feel like saying "fuck it, they can buy their own candy" and shutting of the lights. I'm sitting there by the door so that I can give candy to the same kids who asked me to buy them cigarettes three days ago?

We got 20 kids this year, so as usual we have a ton of candy left over despite giving out big handfuls to all who came by. So now I'm going to get fat and lose all of my teeth because of this stupid holiday. Awesome. Next year, here's what I'm going to do: I'm going to put a bowl of candy out on my front step with a sign saying "Take some and leave", while I grab some beer and sit in the basement watching TV. At 8:30, I'll replace the candy in the bowl with cigarettes and go back down stairs. That should make everybody happy.

(To answer Emma's question, they all said "Trick or Treat" as I did when I was a kid.)

** UPDATE **

I stumbled across this today when I was blog surfing (click to enlarge):

At one time I considered making a costume of George with the mutant Quato from Total Recall protruding from his stomach. As demented as I may be, I did not consider using an actual person as Quato. If this guy is for real, then he deserves an award for ... something. I'm not sure what. He would give these guys a run for heaviest costume anyhow:



Shaun M Wheeler said...

When I first bought my house back in 2002, I was gung-ho about the whole Hallowe'en thing.

"Finally!" I thought, "I can do Hallowe'en right!". My (now former) GF and I spent a few days decorating the house, and blew about a hundred bucks on candy. "Lots of kids in this neighbourhood", I thought.

All that effort, and we had maybe eight kids come to the door. Including teenagers. We were stuck eating candy for weeks.

Never did Hallowe'en again.

Anonymous said...

A bowl of candy on the steps is good enough.

I can remember hundreds and hundreds of kids in my neighborhood in Montreal - lineups - double, triple bag runs - but then those pricks , the FLQ, killed Halloween for us. Was never the same.

Trick or treat was our tag line which evolved to Drink or Eat as we became adults.

Halloweeen Apples, what da fck is that, sounds so stuffy and anglais. Besides, all us inner city punks knew, the only thing apples were good for ( razor blade folklore ) was hurling the missles at buses.

cherenkov said...

One year at work we had a Hallowe'en contest. Me and the other people in my row spent days preparing, making fake brains and eyeballs, getting dry ice for fog, the whole deal. The next row over bought a bunch of crap at the dollar store the day of the contest and won the prize. That was it for me: I vowed to never put any unnecessary effort into Hallowe'en again. (Although I will put some thought into a costume if I get invited to a Hallowe'en party.)

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