Thursday 14 January 2010

Harper is afraid of a majority / Friday video

I've been thinking. Wait ... there's more! I've been thinking about the prorogation of parliament by Stephen Harper. Not so much the reason for it, but rather the strategy.

I have noticed that Harper has a tendency to take one step forward and one step back, and not very gracefully either. For example, Harper built goodwill in Quebec by introducing a motion to recognize them as a distinct nation with Canada, and later built good will among the First Nations by offering a long overdue apology for abuses in the residential school system, then he sabotaged himself late in 2008 when he moved to pull the lifeline away from the other parties. This reminded people of what a cold, calculating political machine Harper is, and the opposition parties, backed into a corner, almost took the government away from him.

This past year, Harper erased that image of him as a cold, calculating machine when he did his little piano singy-thingy with Yo-Yo Ma. A brilliant move, if it was in fact a move and not just a happy accident, that helped to bring him perilously close to majority territory in the polls. So what does he do? He reminds people again of what a controlling jackass he can be by suspending parliament and killing all of the legislation that was on the table for what appears to be reasons of convenience. And not even being polite about it -- he phoned the damn thing in. Literally.

My sources were able to obtain a tape of the call to the Governor General, which I shall transcribe for you, my readers:

SH: Hi, uh, Michale? Stevo here. Look, I need you to be a dear and prorogue parliament for me. Can you do that? Great. Thanks. Hey, it's been great talking to you. Bye.

MJ: Wait, aren't we going to talk about this? Why don't you come down and we'll discuss ..

SH: Look, just sign the damn papers, you seal-heart-eating bitch. Who the hell do you think you are anyhow?


SH: Thanks. Hey, it's been great talking to you. Bye. *click*
There was some audio interference on the tape so I'm not sure if I got the quote exactly right, but I'm sure it's pretty close. Look, the point is, for somebody who is supposed to be a master political strategist Harper has made some big miscalculations. This latest one has allowed Mikhail Ignatiev to not only stop his free fall, but to pull himself into a tie with Harper in the polls.

Against the advice of the AWAP political analysts I'm going to go on record as saying that PM Stephen Harper will never get a majority government. If he played his cards right, he certainly could get a majority. In fact he might have one by now, and perhaps should have one, having been given the gift of two lame Liberal leaders in a row and a legacy of Liberal corruption. but either due to his cut-throat competitive instincts or bad judgment or something, he has not, and probably will not.

Perhaps behind that metallic exterior there beats a conscience that will not allow him to get a majority. A little subconscious switch that forces him to sabotage himself when he starts to become popular, because it knows that if Stephen Harper gets complete control of the government he will turn the country into cruel dictatorship where babies are stolen from Liberal parents and sacrificed before a giant stone statue of himself. That's the only reasonable explanation that I can think of.


One of the DJs on the Q94 morning show yesterday joked about John Fogerty opening for Lady Gaga on her new tour. As silly as that combination sounds, I would much rather see that tandem than Gaga and Boy George. Yes, that Boy George. Gaaack. That has to be the worst choice for an opening act since Slipknot called on Stephen Harper to open for them on their 2005 Harvest My Organs tour.

As punishment for Gaga, I will not feature her video this week. Instead, I will feature John Fogerty:

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